Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
