GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
