i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My hand turned me down
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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