I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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