you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
