just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
soo... how was my night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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