I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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