it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
