in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
