if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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