when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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