If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
