You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
