Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
