i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
