Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize