I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
