u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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