Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
