She is in my trunk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
