i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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