Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
