i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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