We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
