I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
