My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
