the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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