i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
