I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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