dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't put those talents on a resume
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize