I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
