someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
