my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
