Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize