those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
