Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
