So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He passed out mid-signature
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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