Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
