and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
