Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
