Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
