Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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