I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Bring me that man meat
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
