I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
