Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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