if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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