I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
