He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
