There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
