shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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