oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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