fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
