Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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