u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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