The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize