who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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