I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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