You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you never un-have a 4some
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
