First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
