Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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