I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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