I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
