Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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