Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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