1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
