I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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