I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
