....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
