omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
