where does the pee come out of this thing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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