She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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