His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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