how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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