apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
