after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize