I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize