hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
