o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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