I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
